If I don’t get out of bed and immediately do something productive, it takes the world to get me back on track. We had 3 days out of school this week, so I spent a lot of time on the couch. That’s normal for most, but if you deal with any sort of depression, it’s detrimental.

3 days – I didn’t go to work, I didn’t shower but once, I didn’t eat well, I didn’t do any yoga, I didn’t change out of my sweats,I slept so much, and I didn’t even blog. I mean, even if I do the bare minimum with my day, I usually at least spend time on my blog. It’s not work to me, I truly love it. But I didn’t even touch my laptop. I felt like shit.

The snow, the days off, the time to relax, it all just suuuucked the life out of me and it happened so effortlessly. It’s not even like I needed the days to rest? My life isn’t hard or stressful right now, I don’t need to catch up on sleep. My day-to-day is pretty chill already. I didn’t even really realize how quickly the time had passed until Wednesday, when Kyle forced me out of the house. When we got home, I got a lot done. I ran to the post office later that day, and on my drive home I became so overwhelmed at the thought of how much I needed to think about, get organized, and do. And then I got a little angry at myself for wasting so much time on Hulu watching reruns of TV shows I’ve already seen. 

With depression, slipping is so easy. Even if you’re like me and you deal with it in its mildest form. Most days, I don’t even consider myself as having depression, and even writing this I wonder if this sort of behavior is just normal and I’m just lazy, because I’ve been this way for so long. But I would never deny depression because on days where I don’t have a routine set, I feel it. Feeling like it’s impossible to get out of bed, lacking every ounce of motivation (when most days, I’m very motivated and eager to learn, accomplish tasks, and spend time experiencing the day.) And not even the kind of motivation to do anything huge- I literally lose all motivation to shower, eat, or even move. If I didn’t have a routine, something to keep me moving through the day, I know for certain that my mood would spiral out of control.

And I think a lot of different aspects of depression behave this way. This is really all I deal with when it comes to that, and I consider myself lucky. Lucky to be able to see it in myself, lucky to have someone that will pull me out by my hair, lucky to have a life that keeps me present and excited; But there are millions of others- people my age, younger, and older – that deal with depression on a much more life-altering level. And it comes on so easily. We just slip into it and once we realize it, it can be hard to get back out. And that’s when it gets serious for some. When they just can’t get out. 

I got this shirt from Zaful (You can get it here! & sunnies here) and I thought it was a pretty sweet reminder for me when I’m feeling stuck in a place that makes me feel .. not like myself. Whether it’s with this depression, the anxiety, or during moments of high stress – it’s a good mantra to keep in your back pocket.

xo

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10 Comments

  1. Depression is not always so easy to solve. It takes hard work, a good night sleep and good food and routine to feel better usually. It all depends on what causes the depression too!

    • Kaleigh Reply

      Oh, girl – never easy to solve! I just find it so easy to fall into sometimes. Good sleep definitely does it for me, and routine! And I feel like figuring out why is the hardest part sometimes!

  2. I’ve suffered from depression & for me, the routine has helped. Also, if I’m feeling unproductive I usually make a to-do list to get things done. That helps me, weirdly.

  3. I don’t really have suffered from depression but i always advise the ones who do, talk with someone elder or closer to then and get yourself busy in things which you love. It really helps that way.

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  4. I think we need to give ourselves credit for being mammals. My dogs eat more, gain weight, and sleep more in winter, but if people do it, something’s considered wrong. Same for rainy, overcast days. The pups rest more, but we’re supposed to be go-go-go. I like to joke that I’m “solar-powered.”

    • Kaleigh Reply

      I definitely agree with that, and I think seasonal depression is common in most people (without being formally diagnosed with depression; it’s just a thing we do!) but personally, I deal with days like this in the winter and summer! The seasons don’t tend to make a difference with me!

  5. I loooove this post. I can relate on so many levels. Depression sucks, and I have to live my life on a very strict routine or I am screwed. Even the slightest change can send me spiraling down into depression. It’s so beautiful so know there are other people out there that struggle with depression, but still, fight to stay afloat. Thank you for this post I know there are so many people that need to know that they are not alone in this fight.

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