If I don’t get out of bed and immediately do something productive, it takes the world to get me back on track. We had 3 days out of school this week, so I spent a lot of time on the couch. That’s normal for most, but if you deal with any sort of depression, it’s detrimental.
3 days – I didn’t go to work, I didn’t shower but once, I didn’t eat well, I didn’t do any yoga, I didn’t change out of my sweats,I slept so much, and I didn’t even blog. I mean, even if I do the bare minimum with my day, I usually at least spend time on my blog. It’s not work to me, I truly love it. But I didn’t even touch my laptop. I felt like shit.
The snow, the days off, the time to relax, it all just suuuucked the life out of me and it happened so effortlessly. It’s not even like I needed the days to rest? My life isn’t hard or stressful right now, I don’t need to catch up on sleep. My day-to-day is pretty chill already. I didn’t even really realize how quickly the time had passed until Wednesday, when Kyle forced me out of the house. When we got home, I got a lot done. I ran to the post office later that day, and on my drive home I became so overwhelmed at the thought of how much I needed to think about, get organized, and do. And then I got a little angry at myself for wasting so much time on Hulu watching reruns of TV shows I’ve already seen.
With depression, slipping is so easy. Even if you’re like me and you deal with it in its mildest form. Most days, I don’t even consider myself as having depression, and even writing this I wonder if this sort of behavior is just normal and I’m just lazy, because I’ve been this way for so long. But I would never deny depression because on days where I don’t have a routine set, I feel it. Feeling like it’s impossible to get out of bed, lacking every ounce of motivation (when most days, I’m very motivated and eager to learn, accomplish tasks, and spend time experiencing the day.) And not even the kind of motivation to do anything huge- I literally lose all motivation to shower, eat, or even move. If I didn’t have a routine, something to keep me moving through the day, I know for certain that my mood would spiral out of control.
And I think a lot of different aspects of depression behave this way. This is really all I deal with when it comes to that, and I consider myself lucky. Lucky to be able to see it in myself, lucky to have someone that will pull me out by my hair, lucky to have a life that keeps me present and excited; But there are millions of others- people my age, younger, and older – that deal with depression on a much more life-altering level. And it comes on so easily. We just slip into it and once we realize it, it can be hard to get back out. And that’s when it gets serious for some. When they just can’t get out.
I got this shirt from Zaful (You can get it here! & sunnies here) and I thought it was a pretty sweet reminder for me when I’m feeling stuck in a place that makes me feel .. not like myself. Whether it’s with this depression, the anxiety, or during moments of high stress – it’s a good mantra to keep in your back pocket.
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