The Sun Is Never Jealous Of A Candle

People feel bitter and jealous as a result of insecurity and unhappiness.

Unhappy people can’t handle seeing other people happy, so they do what they can to make it stop. To bring others to where they are. How selfish an act, though – to feel so unhappy with their own lives that they try to make others feel that unhappiness as well.

People who can’t acknowledge their own downfalls and insecurities will say crappy things and act in crappy ways because in some twisted way,  it’s assumed that seeing other people’s unhappiness will make them feel happiness. I guess if you’re cynical it would make you feel better, sure. But, that’s always a temporary feeling.  Soon that high will be diluted by their own unhappiness (again) and they’ll look for someone else to project on. It’s a cycle.

These kinds of people are empty souls. There’s something inside them that isn’t being understood and cared for. And they will remain in such a state until they can face their own demons and see themselves for the people they truly are.

These people exist all over, in every race and walk of life; sometimes where you least expect it. It’s fine to think better of them or see the best in these people. That’s part of being a loving and open-minded human being. You’re not stupid for wanting people to be better. You’re not a fool for thinking they can be better. And you’re not being a bitch when you distance yourself from said toxic people. Once you’ve learned someone’s true nature, there’s not a whole lot you can do. People don’t change unless they are aware that they need to,  can accept it,  and want it. They must want it.

Know yourself to be higher than that. To be above the petty jabs and hurtful behavior. Find peace in the fact that you are wholeheartedly content with who you are as a person, and the fact that you don’t have to work hard to portray some made up facade of who you want to be. Who you want to be is already who you are and that’s a beautiful thing that not everyone gets the opportunity to experience. You worked hard to get there and to have that peace, you deserve to enjoy it without doubt.

Let others be themselves. Let them go through the motions of maturing and gaining self-awareness. Let them be angry and pray they find solace and self-acceptance. Keep doing what makes you happy regardless of what others think or say about you + keep showing growth in every aspect of your life.

I don’t say all these things because I was born perfect and with all this self-awareness. I went through my phase. I was jaded and quite frankly, annoying. Other people that were happy annoyed me and it was because “she’s too damn perky. No one cares that you’re eating blueberries.” “Oh,wow. Another ‘MCM’ post of the same damn person.”

Like, woman. Shut the hell up! Why are we so judgmental?!?! Why was I?? I was literally the epitome of what I dislike so much in others: silently judgmental while acting as a total angel to your face. Silently miserable with my life, but leading everyone on to think I was happy. I was so mean. Eventually I got to a point where I had done enough embarrassing things and said enough evil things that I started thinking, “maybe you shouldn’t judge, because, well, you suck too. You’re annoying too.” And it wasn’t self-deprecating. It was humbling. 

saw myself. Like I really saw myself. For the “attention-seeking, annoying, dramatic, looks-to-alcohol-for-fun-because-that’s-what’s-cool-people-to-do” kind of girl that I was. I stopped with the pity party I was throwing myself in my head every night, and I started feeling accountable and taking responsibility for the decisions I made. I realized that self-pity wasn’t going to solve my problems, and other people weren’t going to solve them for me either. I did things I didn’t want to do (doctors, feeling vulnerable, therapy, etc.) I got to the root of my problems. I figured myself out a little bit and started the healing process in my heart.

And this is all very new for me and I’m constantly learning to be a better, more compassionate person and I’m constantly learning more about people. Every day I see and hear things about others and I still have to pull myself back and say – “now Kaleigh, don’t be an asshole.” I’m learning that people are the way they are for a reason. I may never know the reason, but I don’t get to be a witch because someone else wants to be one. They have their reasons (though it’s no excuse) and you never know someone’s story unless they tell you. I’d rather be compassionate to those that are dealing with things than to fight fire with fire. And I feel this way because I have dealt with things. I don’t deal with anxiety by hyper-ventilating and rocking back and forth. I shut down. I don’t speak. I can’t look you in the eyes, and I’m very short in conversation. Some people would take that as me being an asshole – which is totally understandable! But I’m not being an asshole, I’m just trying not to have a panic attack. When I was dealing with the breakup from my first love/boyfriend/relationship experience, I was not a nice person. But I was just really, dramatically, over-the-top sad about it. So I get it. Having an understanding of this about people is so important in keeping your happiness and not having drama in your life. Things people say about you won’t bother you. 

If you are where I was, don’t be afraid of yourself. Don’t be afraid to feel embarrassed or vulnerable for the sake of helping yourself, and remember to always be kind to others. No one deserves the wrath of your own unhappiness or problems. If you are dealing with someone’s wrath, then I’m sorry. It’s not a fun position to be in, but keep your head up and remember: The sun is never jealous of a candle. People act out in such ways out of jealousy and unhappiness. Keep your light, focus on your own growth, and keep doing what you’re doing. Because, if someone is being a passive-aggressive bitch, you’re obviously doing something right.


  1. “The sun is never jealous of a candle.” It’s so cute but with great meaning. My husband and I recently got into a huge argument with his mom and we finally realized that we’ll never be able to understand her side and like you said, fighting fire with fire is never the answer. Even though we had to walk away we accepted the fact that we have to let people be who they are. Regardless if we like the outcome or not. Beautiful post!

    1. Yes, exactly!! I hope things get better between the three of you in the future. Such a hard spot to be in! Thank you!

  2. Such a great post. I love it. I agree that fighting fire with fire is never going to have a peaceful outcome. Some people will never change their thinking though so its up to us individually I think. xx

  3. This is such an amazing post – so inspirational. I used to be just like this until I realised that no one is going to like a hateful person and sometimes I’m going to be wrong. It’s definitely key to change your way of thinking in life

    Sophie – eselle x

  4. “People feel bitter and jealous as a result of insecurity and unhappiness”

    Amen to that sister!

    Some people can’t help being miserable, so they try to bring other down by making them miserable too. It’s a vicious cycle. You can only break out of it by staying positive!

    The sun is never jealous of a candle.. I’ll be carrying these words around with me everywhere now!

  5. It’s so easy to be absorbed in others. I find it quite fortunate that I haven’t gone through a phase like this but then growing up I was surrounded by a lot of people who were and it drains the energy not only out of the room, but out of yourself. Self realisation is a beautiful thing and i love this posts title! xo

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  • Being chronically ill doesn’t make you a “burden”.
You’re not some unfortunate thing that happened. You’re not “less than”, an “inconvenience”, or “annoying”. You’re not your illness. 
What you ARE, is:
* Every bit as much a person as anyone else.
* A complete and total BADASS for handling the cards you’ve been dealt ON TOP of doing life just like everyone else.
* Deserving of a person that’s understanding, supportive, and doesn’t make you feel GUILTY for things that are beyond your control. 
And I hate that this is something I have to constantly remind myself of.
📷 @kaylalajean
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Where’s my sunshine.
I want to sunbathe like a lizard.
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