You’re always the one that’s too friendly, aren’t you? You’re too nice. Always the one putting more into a relationship than the other person. Growing up, you couldn’t ever stand up for yourself, and allowed others to walk all over you. In elementary school when girls would “bully” you (I use quotes because I don’t know that I’d really consider typical mean-girl behavior “bullying” – but, maybe I should.) you’d be the victim, you were the one being wronged, and still, you’d be the one apologizing. Like when someone isn’t paying attention and runs into you, they should apologize and then you say, “oh, it’s fine, no worries!” But instead, you get an “I’m sorry” out of your mouth quicker than they can even process what just happened.
Your friends and boyfriends got away with nearly everything because of your forgiving nature, and aversion to confrontation. You meet people and all of the “red flags” that normal people sort of recognize and are aware of, you overlook or defend for the sake of fitting in and having friends. And then months down the road, you’re sitting there in some awful relationship, or surrounded by individuals that you called “friends” and can’t even say are nice people – and you’re like.. “what the hell happened here?”
And still, to this day, you find yourself wanting to apologize and mend certain relationships, when you have nothing to apologize for. Why do you feel sorry? Sorry for what? That you started making decisions to better your life? That you grew up and have no time for petty and childish behaviors? Maybe you just have a guilty personality and you always want to take the blame because you know you can get over things easily and then life can go back to being all smooth sailing. You don’t like when things are difficult or awkward, but somewhere along the line, you just stopped caring so much. You stopped apologizing.
Good for you.
We need to realize that we can’t always be the ones to apologize. We are not always in the wrong, and frankly, we don’t deserve to feel like we are. The more confidence we gain in ourselves, the more comfortable we are with confrontation and defending ourselves when we know we should be doing so.
Stop apologizing. For the person you are, for the way you feel, for the things you say if they are genuine and with good intentions, and last, but certainly not least, stop apologizing for valuing yourself enough to stand up for yourself when you see fit. If there’s one things I’ve learned, it’s that you need to be on your own side. You can’t rely on others to protect and defend you.