In a society where we’re expected to follow a timeline for our lives, the unknowingly free-spirited will suffer. What I didn’t realize was that it was okay if we don’t know what we want when we’re 17/18 years old. It’s okay to opt out of furthering our education right after high school. It’s okay to have bigger, less practical dreams. It’s okay if we don’t make 100 grand a year. It’s okay to live in a modest house. As long as we’re happy with the lives we’re living.
All I wanted was to be happy. I didn’t care what kind of work I was doing, what kind of degree I had, where I was living, who I was with, or how much money I had, as long as I was happy.
I thought I was a failure because I didn’t know what I wanted. I thought I was stupid. I thought I was lazy for not sitting down to figure it out. I thought I was never going to get my life together. I didn’t know what I wanted. I didn’t know what I was going to do with my life. It made my head spin. And so often did I feel like one of those “entitles millennials” because I was so unhappy on my drives to work. My heart would sit in my throat and tears would well up in my eyes just for having to go, and I’d tell myself to suck it up. I liked my job, but I just knew in my gut that what I was doing wasn’t right for me. I knew it was temporary but I didn’t know what else to do with myself. I was lost. I felt stuck.
But in getting to know myself, I sort of recognized that my soul was wild but my mind was tamed. – and that’s why it hurt so bad. That’s why I felt so lost. That’s why .. everything. My soul wouldn’t allow me to just pick a career field for the money or need or just because, because I knew it wouldn’t make me happy. Despite what I thought was the right thing to do. And it made me sick to think about. If I had a tamed soul, then I wouldn’t have this problem. I might have ease in picking a career. I’d be okay with the routine of a regular job. The specific hours wouldn’t bother me. Everything would be fine. But for some of the unknowingly wild-hearted men and women in the world, we run into this confusing conflict. We don’t understand why we can’t work a “normal” job with “normal” hours with the same fulfillment as others. But when I finally saw who I was, I realized that maybe I just wasn’t meant to. There has to be something else for me. This isn’t where I’m supposed to be, I can feel it. And I either need to reign in my soul, and live my life the practical way, find a job, get married, have babies; do everything according to life’s timeline- or release my mind from it’s bindings and let it run wild with the rest of me. And if you’ve ever had to fight with your own soul, your own being, your heart’s desires, you know how difficult it can be. Nearly impossible. It’s never done fully, and with good feeling.
So I released my mind. I allowed myself to dream. I allowed myself the confidence to carry on certain projects and follow through with my desires, to take the time in figuring out what it was I needed to be doing. To jump at opportunities without hesitation. I allowed myself the will to do what I wanted instead of hesitantly doing what I thought I needed according to the societal norm.
I allowed my mind and soul to become one. It sounds corny, but if you’ve ever been in my position, you’d understand the feeling of being pulled in two directions, and you’d understand exactly what I’m saying. Upon this explosion of understanding, love, and happiness, a lot of things came together for me. It became so clear what I wanted out of my life, and I was presented with several paths to get there and make it happen.
I feel comfortable and confident in letting my mind run wild, where before, I felt guilt. I felt wrong because I didn’t think I was being “right”.
If your heart longs to be somewhere else, let it feel that. Follow it. Even if it means letting go of something else. You never know where you’ll end up, and you’ll regret not finding out. The free-spirited are some of the luckiest in the world, for their curiosities bring them some of the best experiences you could imagine. The best feelings of self-awareness and connection. The most remarkable self assurance.
If your heart is urging you one way, but your mind another, always follow your heart. Eventually you’ll be in a place with yourself that’s indescribably positive and amazing. Don’t be afraid of those feelings, they’re there for a reason.