Dear, the Insecure

When it comes to comparing ourselves to others, it’s typically a pretty self-deprecating process; “Her (possession or feature) is so nice. Mine isn’t like that. Mine will never be like like that. I bet my boyfriend would love it if I (had/was like) that. Could you imagine how awesome life would be and how awesome I would be..” And so on -basically taking your mind to the final point, which is – “I’m not good enough.” And these thoughts don’t even happen on purpose.It’s like word vomit for self-talk. It just comes out and we can’t really help it because for some reason, we’re just trained to think that way and we’ve been doing it for so long, that it’s a natural reaction to seeing something we like/want/are jealous of, etc.

It takes a lot of conscious effort to not think this way if you’re someone who always has, but the effort is well worth the happiness. I’m not there yet, but every day I have to make a decision to love myself and be okay with who I am, what I look like, and where I’m at in life. I’ve made noticeable progress, because while I still find myself sometimes unsatisfied with myself, my daily attitude and feelings on what I look like and the kind of person I am, are changing for the better.

Eventually you have to accept that fact that this is what God gave you. He gave you that face. Your long or short legs. Your determination. Your caring heart. Everything about you in unique to you and I think we all fail to see just how special that really is. But we can’t change it. This is what we have and there’s no sense in hating something that’s yours. You’re going to be stuck with it until you die, so.. love it for what it is. And for every 1 things we dislike about ourselves, there are 5 that make us the awesome people we are. We need to remember those things. Focus on them, give them time, energy, attention, love, and care.  Then all the other things will fade into the background, and you can live your life as you without inhibitions or feelings of insecurity and embarrassment.

I’m taking it back to grade school with this one, but it’s so true, and that’s that we are all special in our own way. Comparing yourself to someone else isn’t fair to either of you. It’s nearly impossible to even do it logically. Two people, when you think about it, lead two completely different lives. You have different personalities, different body types, different hair texture, different parents, different childhoods, different siblings, relatives, birth places, home lives, experiences, thoughts, mindsets, work ethics, I could literally go on for hours on the differences between people, but it just goes to show, that when you consider what makes up a person, you just can’t compare it to another.  They are truly worlds apart and completely unique.

There are always going to be a million other people trying to do the same thing as you. When you allow yourself to focus on just you, what you’re doing, and the journey you’re on (whether it’s getting fit, getting through school, or getting that job) you’ll be much more successful than you would be if you were comparing yourself to everyone else on that same path. Don’t forget who you are, what your goals are, and what your purpose is.

I resonate so much with this lately because I am insecure. I have been since I can remember. And lately, I don’t feel like my writing is good enough, or my photography, my thoughts, or what I find inspiring, but I keep doing it because I know that despite what I think, it’s all fine. There’s nothing actually wrong with what I do and the work I produce. I’m. just. insecure. I realize that there will always be someone better than me at the things that I do, but I allow it discourage me when I should be allowing it to simply keep my humble. I have a hard time looking at other blogs/websites/photography because the first thing that comes to mind is “mine’s not that great” and I get upset, jealous, and disappointed. That’s such an awful mind set to be stuck in.

I wanted to talk about this because it’s something everyone faces but no one admits to. No one likes walking around saying  “I’m not good enough” to people. It’s off-putting and creates an awkward environment for everyone, and no one likes to be vulnerable and show weakness to others like that. It’s typically something we just internalize and deal with alone. This is a big reason I comment on social media so much – it’s sad to think that we’ve gotten to a place where we rely on the validation of other’s for happiness, but in this day in age, where we are comparing ourselves to everything else so often, it’s nice to see a little love on something you’ve put out to the world. And I see it the same as giving a compliment in real life. Which I do fairly often, as well. I don’t even have to know you.  If I like your top, you’ll know it. And I think if we all had a little more reassurance that we’re all fine, we look good, we’re doing great things, we’re on a good roll, etc., we’d feel a little better about ourselves, and we’d be motivated to keep going, and to keep pushing on. Encouragement is not a lot to ask for. I started blogging for myself because I like to talk and share ideas and inspire people, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say that people’s support and messages about how much they love my transparency and what I talk about, inspires me to keep doing it.

 

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If you’re feeling especially down about yourself, I challenge you to make a list of the things you don’t love and repurpose them. Think about what kind of good came out of your bad qualities and embrace that. 
I fully believe we are who we are for a reason and we should probably stop trying to be what we think people want us to be, and we should just.. be. Good, bad, and everything in between. You’ll be surprised who and what you attract.
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Intentions can get lost. 
Goals can change. 
It’s just what happens. But I’m going to try my damndest to channel the inner freebird inside me and learn to roll with these changes instead of trying to control them. 
We’re not in control of what happens. We’re only in control of our reactions and the choices we make.