It’s hard to say for certain if I suffer from depression. I wouldn’t doubt it, but I do think it’s secondary to other issues, seeing as how it goes sort of hand-in-hand with anxiety, and is a typical result of dealing with chronic illnesses. I think I get down on myself over my anxiety preventing me from enjoying or being excited about things I used to love/still love doing. That depresses me. Or the seemingly constant worry over my illness – that’s depressing. Being sort of exhausted literally 24/7.. that’s depressing, too. I lack motivation, energy, and an overall will to do anything some days. Not all days, of course. Once in a blue moon, I might find myself facing a stretch of days where the struggle. is. real.
Last week was no joke. It was sort of weird, because it came on kind of suddenly and for no real reason. I think my allergies being as bad as they are lately made me exceptionally tired thus adding to my already exhausted state. When I get like that, I just want to sleep, but I’m not exactly tired.. I just don’t want to move or do anything productive. I came home from work around lunch because Tuesdays are usually early days for me, and I just got home and sat on the couch. I didn’t want to get up or do anything, but I was also bored and Kyle was working so I was just flat out crabby that I had to wait as long as I did for the day to be over. I eventually did get antsy enough to leave my house and go to the store for snacks because snacks make everything better.
The overall “merpy” mood lasted the rest of the week, and in the midst of it, I realized this is just my rut. My exhausted, unmotivated, uninspired, rut.
How do you pull yourself out of a rut? It’s obviously a matter of control and forcing yourself to do things you know will help the situation (cooking, cleaning, exercising, leaving the house), instead of hinder (eg; netflix binding, junk food eating, napping, whining, etc.) I have a list of things to do in these types of situations, because they suck & I hate how they make me feel, but I think recognizing your feelings is the first step to fixing it. Acknowledging your emotions will tell you what to do next. If I feel a certain way, I know to do certain things, so knowing how I feel is absolutely important!
My list usually consists of every day activities, but it’s more trying to make myself start said activities that’s difficult, because once I start, I’m good to go! But getting there, my God. I am stubborn.
I try to do things I really enjoy and can throw myself into – painting, doing crafty things, cleaning, re-organizing my house, pinterest, my nails, reading, or writing. All of these usually help me a great deal in making the time pass, and bettering my overall mood.
Being uninspired is another thing that drives me crazy! I find inspiration in everything; good weather, people running on the street, children, my family, etc. So when I feel uninspired, it’s a horrible feeling for me. If you’re the same way, read something that will lift you back up, or at the least, give you something to really think and reflect on. Look for inspiration online, quotes, articles, etc. Do some self-reflection, make some discoveries about yourself. One of my favorite blogs to read when I feel this way is becoming minimalist and I love watching MarissaLace on Youtube! Collecting new outlooks, beauty tips, and fashion ideas brings some newness into my life, and gives me a little something to be excited about for me, and I think that’s important for anyone to have!
Today I was feeling yucky – I got sick early this morning and wound up falling back asleep on the couch, only to get up a few hours later, drive an hour to my doctor to have blood work done, and without having breakfast, I was hangry! I spent the rest of the morning sort of zombie-ing around/not leaving bed. I was in a crabby, exhausted mood. I finally did eat lunch and take a bath, did a facial and a black head strip – just a few things to make me feel better! And then after sitting in bed for a while, again, I told Kyle I wanted to go for a drive. We went and found Lake Gaston, and then Roanoke Rapids Lake, and then picked up pancake mix for dinner, because I wanted breakfast. I’m glad we went out and did something though, because it was definitely a better option than sitting in bed all afternoon and it made a world of a difference in my mood.
I encourage anyone in their own rut, or dealing with a little sadness, to battle it with their own sunshine. Find or create something to be excited about, do something that you enjoy. Treat yourself to something special and make sure you’re taken care of both inside and out.