I think I’ve done more growing up in the last 3 months that I’ve been living with Kyle than I have in the almost 23 years I’ve been alive.
Living away from my parents has taught me a lot in the short time that I’ve been doing it and it’s helped me to truly realize how much my parents do. I thought balancing school, work, and a long-distance boyfriend was hard, but balancing work, family, school, my relationship, my kitten, myself, and taking care of a house.. having to cook my own meals, clean everything all the time, pay bills, etc. is much harder. Not that any of those things are singularly difficult, but you throw it all into one day and it’s like.. where do you find the time to do anything else? I already lack the motivation to get up in the morning and have an actual routine that I can stick to, let alone get everything done every day and be productive with my blog and exercising and cooking and everything else I want to do (that Netflix seems to always take precedence over). Throw a kid into the mix? Three? I don’t know how parents are parents..without completely losing their freakin’ minds. All this thinking has me very appreciative for the parents I have.
Parents deserve more recognition and reward than they could ever receive in a lifetime.
As kids, teens, and young adults.. We were so self centered. We were trying to figure out who we were and what wen were doing, and why we were put here. We were trying to make it through school, follow the rules, make friends, learn to love ourselves, and get through the difficult things that we have to face while growing into ourselves: new schools, mean kids, self-esteem, puberty, love, heartache, failure, our first jobs, getting into college, college itself, illness, and then learning to make decisions on our own and learning to trust our own judgement. Good or bad, these experiences shaped our lives, and who are/who we became.. but sometimes we forgot we weren’t the only ones going through those experiences. Part of being self centered was not realizing how our behaviors impacted others regardless of the reasons behind it. We didn’t see the hell we were putting you through by behaving the way we did, or saying the things we did, or feeling the way did about things. And we certainly didn’t see that you guys had to deal with a slew of your own problems aside from our (sometimes petty) bullshit. And we didn’t care! We didn’t really even think about it. It didn’t even cross our minds that you could have a life beyond our big ol’ heads.
I know together, you had a fairly good sense of humor over the stupid things we did (Personal example: when I wrote “i hate you” in rolled up toilet paper on the bathroom floor. Mom took pictures.) We didn’t realize it then, but we know that despite your good spirits, when we were emotionally hurt, you were too. When we were crying for days, or not doing so well in school, you were worried. All those times you stayed up for us when we’d stay out late and we told you, you were being silly for being so worried, we now realize you were totally justified in feeling the way you did. All the nights you spent with us in the hospital and in doctor’s offices, or laying in bed with us and our heartache, driving us to and from school, or all the hours you spent in traffic so we could live in a nicer area, even though it was farther away from your workplace. Late dinners, late Christmas mornings, just so you could provide for your family. The career sacrifices and life altering decisions you’ve all made for the sake of your children and having the time and money to support them. It may have gone unnoticed for years as we were children, but as we take the time to think about everything you’ve done and everything we’ve done (cringe), we’re feeling very grateful…and slightly embarrassed.
I was asking someone how a child would “repay” their parents for all those years of devotion and literal emotional abuse, and she said, “you have their grand-babies and let them laugh at you.”