I find myself thinking about my life probably more often than I should? I think? I’m not really sure what the appropriate length is for obsessively thinking about life or a future, or what I’m doing in general. But I’ve come to the conclusion that being 20-something is like this confusing period of time that we’re given to get our shit together and prepare for it. It being, life. Sure. I mean, a lot happens when we become adults. We’re responsible for things, sometimes other people. We have to answer to ourselves, which is honestly more terrifying than answering to our parents. And we have to start guiding ourselves, as opposed to always having someone older and wiser point us in the right direction.

Our 20’s are basically a trial period for life. You don’t really know the game yet, or what the main objective is, but you try to figure it out anyway. And there is so much to know and learn so if we’re lucky, someone is giving us hints, or a tutorial as we go along. But even then, it still sometimes feels like we’re feeling our way through this blurred abyss trying not to stub our pinky toes on the furniture.

Most of us leave home to pursue higher education, some for careers, partnerships, etc. We leaves our homes that have been home for as long as we can remember and we go to a new home.. a different home. Home, but it doesn’t really ever feel like home. It’s not filled with family all the time anymore, we’re not waiting for people to come home, and if there’s any dinner, it’s because we unwillingly got up and made it ourselves. There’s a lot of doing things alone, on our own; a lot of independence, and frankly, sometimes loneliness. Not that everyone feels lonely,  but it certainly gets that way when you compare it to the life you had around parents, siblings, routine, & constant noise and happenings.

But of course, most of us are too young to even dare consider starting a family of our own yet, so what do we do in that chunk of time between leaving our childhood with our parents and starting parenthood with our own children? I guess that’s why people always say our twenties are our selfish years, right? We get a whole decade practically dedicated to ourselves, and figuring out what the hell to do with our new found “adult” status. Who we are as individuals, what we like and dislike, what we value and consider priority. We’re to explore the world out as far as we can, and explore ourselves as deeply inward as we can. There’s a whole to-do list for our twenties that we need to get a hang of before we’re thrown into full-time careers, being parents, and having cars and credit cards under our own names. For example, we should finish college (if that’s the road we chose), start a career, figure out what our hobbies are, fall in love, find our first home or apartment, learn how to be contributing members of society, learn how to do taxes, budget paychecks, and God knows there’s a billion other things we need to know. But there’s so much to do and learn, that we can’t possibly know to know it. Unfortunately, there’s not some grand to-do list for the decade that we can follow. We just kind of have to roll through life and figure things out when we get to them. And that’s kind of hard, because yeah, we’re technically adults, and we’re treated as such, but we also technically have no clue what we’re doing. We’re like the super new version of “adult” that comes with all the bugs and woopsies, that inconveniences everyone. Like we need several complaints and updates before we’re perfect.

It’s so messy sometimes, and there’s no possible way for anyone our age to do everything right the first time. Or second time. Maybe third for some of us. It’s trial and error until we can get it straight and have a real understanding of what’s going on. So I think we deserve a little credit for trying because it’s hard as shit.

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